We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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