No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
