just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
