I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
