Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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