I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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