but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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