It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
