Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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