toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
