you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
