I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
