Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
