69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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