I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
