false alarm. still invincible.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
