laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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