I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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