I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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