i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
