Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
