Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
why do cheetos always look like penises
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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