Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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