matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
