I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
