LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
