I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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