I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
