Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
