And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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