For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
