They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
