you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
