You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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