she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize