i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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