he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
