I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize