My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
