And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Congratulations! We have a period
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
