On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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