I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
her vagine was all disorganized.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
