Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
