She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
