She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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