that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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