i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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