So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
