We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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