I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're a waste of cheezeits
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
