My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
