Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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