So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I party with great urgency now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
