Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He has the fingertips of a God
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