Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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