I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
