Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
two words: eviction party
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
