11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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