When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
