Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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