The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You need Xanax blowdarts
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
