Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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