I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize