Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
