i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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