i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
