I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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