I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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