that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
