we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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