He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
