dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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