I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it because I queefed?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
