So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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