How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
