I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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