I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
