Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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