What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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