My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
