Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
