Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
